The Things I Never Said

Dear Messy,

There are so many things I never said. 
maybe because I was too scared to lose you,
Or maybe because I knew deep down you were already slipping away. 

I never told you how much I noticed the little things.
Like how your voice softened when you were tired,
or how you pulled away when something was bothering you 
but never said what.

I should've told you that silence hurt more than anger.
That I'd rather fight with you than be ignored by you.

I should've said how I waited for you to choose me. 
fully, loudly, without hesitation.
But you never did
And I never asked you to.

I thought loving you quietly was enough.
I thought maybe, just maybe, you'd hear all the things I didn't say.

But love isn't a puzzle.
It isn't something to be decoded.
And I realised now that.
You can't expect someone to understand feelings you've never spoken about.

So here's everything I never said:

I loved you more than I've ever said out loud.
I stayed even when you made it hard to.
I broke my own heart hoping you'd protect it.

And I still write these letters/blogs
not because I want you back, but because I don't know what else to do with all this love
that never got the chance to become something more.

                                                            -Your Sakku